some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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