it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
