If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
