Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
