Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize