You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
