About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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