I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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