I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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