You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
