I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
