Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize