Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
