I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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