he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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