I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
