Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
