why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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