Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
