There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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