i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pants are for mortals
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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