am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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