I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
