He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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