If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
