Where is the hickey?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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