A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
