just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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