you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
