can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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