Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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