This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
