I need help removing her.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
