you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
