just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
