Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have post one night stand depression
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
