A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Soap is not a condiment
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
