My Higher Power is John Stamos
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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