So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
