He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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