Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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