she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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