I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
