gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
