I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
