My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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