is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
