Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My ass is underappreciated
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
