i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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