am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
