i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize