Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
