im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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