Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
