windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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