i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
