I understand Curling. That high.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
