To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
