I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
