Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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