I hate your face
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
