Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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