you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
