you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
