she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
