it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
