I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize