A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
