She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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