uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
