im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
wow bdsm is so cute
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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