Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
