I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize